Frozen Chick’n Nuggets Upset Raccoon City Locals

Frozen Chick’n Nuggets Upset Raccoon City Locals

Local TAYer Marsh Naylor brings you today's Special Edition of The Mushroom with breaking news from RACCOON CITY!

The Mushroom extends its deepest appreciation for his investigation and reporting!

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Original post by Marsh Naylor on Marshland

Frozen Chick’n Nuggets Upset Raccoon City Locals

Frozen Chick’n Nuggets Upset Raccoon City Locals

RACCOON CITY- After numerous, mysterious reports of children turning into "zombies," the Raccoon City Food and Drug Administration (RCFDA) believe they have identified the cause: a mutated strain of T. virus linked to the Umbrella Foods© Frozen Chick'n Nuggets

Umbrella Foods, a subsidiary of the Umbrella Corporation, held a press conference today at Raccoon City Elementary School and issued the following statement:


"Zombies, really? You know, sometimes children just can't help themselves when it comes to our nutritious and delicious "chicken" nuggets. You could say they're going "zombie" over the great taste!"


In response, RCFDA issued a recall of more than 100 million pounds of nuggets. The nuggets, however, have yet to leave grocery store shelves.

Dr. Albert Wesker, Director of Research at Umbrella Pediatric Hospital, who has studied the T. virus and its effects on children, says there is no real cause for alarm.

"The name "T. virus" is actually a misnomer. My research shows it behaves more like MSG and actually improves the overall taste of certain foods – even human flesh."

Hundreds of parents hungry for justice, not nuggets, have taken to the streets outside Umbrella Pediatric Hospital with signs and banners protesting Umbrella Foods©.


"I don't believe Umbrella or Dr. Wesker. Have you even seen him? He's insane!" Barry Burton, 53, said.


The peaceful protest went awry when children admitted to the hospital came out into the crowd and starting eating protestors.

Police, arriving on scene, were overtaken by the children quickly. Blood flowed in the streets. It was pandemonium.

It took Raccoon City's S.T.A.R.S, Special Tactics and Rescue Service, to quell the violence and hustle the injured into the hospital for emergency care.

After the devastating attack, Barry Burton, miraculously unharmed, examined a pool of blood.


"I hope this is not Chris's blood," he said.


For the moment, things are calm in Raccoon City. Hospital doctors and staff are working around the clock to heal injured protesters and treat the sick children. Dr. Wesker is personally supervising the undertaking.

"I think we're going to see some real positive change for Raccoon City anytime now. Any. Time." Dr. Wesker said.

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