DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT: I played Red Dead Redemption the other day, and since the heat in the desert was killing my character I decided to do the most logical thing! Take a refreshing dip in the closest river! As soon as the water touched my ankles my character died. What am I doing wrong? -NACH
NACH: A lot of people have had this very same problem! In the game you're playing, The Shaw Shank Redemption, Red (as portrayed by Morgan Freeman) is unable to swim because he has spent his whole entire life in prison! You need to go to the old tree and find Andy's letter. After you read it, walk to the apartment where the old librarian hung himself and carve a message into the wood. That should unlock a new part of the map. Take the Trailways bus to the coast and viola! You'll find Andy sanding a rickety old boat. There, he'll teach you not only how to swim, but the power of enduring friendship!
DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT is a non-syndicated joke that provides commonly uncommon common sense advice about video games from a youthful perspective. Track my Twitter behavior on Twitter @marshnaylor